Take Me To Church

I will tell you my sins, sharpen your knife and offer me that deathless death; I will give you my life. However,    before you decide to put my head on a platter and condemn me to hell, just be aware that I was born a sinner, which in fact I love, as long your definition of sin stands. Let me first confess. 

“Don't come inside” she said. It sounded so simple yet it was the most difficult thing, ask around if you don't believe me. Most of the time the command is given either too early but mostly too late when there is absolutely nothing you can do. What follows next is more absurd than the command itself, because when it’s all over they ask; did you come inside? Really? Where else could I have come unless by some sheer form of miracle the cum decided to make a U-turn. As much as I am here talking about coming, in no way am I advocating for unprotected sex. 

These few lines above will cause all kind of mixed feeling and emotions but as I said earlier I am just confessing my sins. As a pagan of good times, my lover is the good times since any other way demands a sacrifice, which I refuse to offer. To save you some trouble for whatever reaction you got, just know I refuse to be a monkey. The monkey story is for another day, but if you can’t wait, follow the link at the bottom of this piece.

Moving along to more serious matters; Few weeks ago I had some free time on my hand. I decided it wouldn’t hurt to grace the Nairobi Agricultural Show which was taking place. My reasons you ask? Well, here you go. One, I have never been to that show despite it happening all these years for various reasons, including poverty. Two, with all the stories of young millionaires having made fortunes from the soil, who wouldn’t want to be like them? I was born poor, and so I am susceptible to riches, which makes me a victim of any scam promising riches. It’s no wonder most of us can’t stop betting and joining pyramid schemes. Anyway, it is for these reasons that I found myself at the show; and my first impression was that it seemed like a money maker, not for the people attending, but for the organizers. How else would you justify the 300 shilling cover charge in a country where 50% of the population survives on less than 200 shilling a day?

After parting with 300 shillings I was given a ticket , went through security, who I highly doubt knew what they were doing( like the one in supermarket who run the sensor in front of you and no matter what sound it makes they don’t bother) and I was ushered inside the ASK ground. Being a first timer I didn’t have a clue where to start; so I started wondering up and down going through various stands. At some point I figured out at the rate I was going I wouldn’t be able to go through all the stands unless I had information  about all the stands, so I can be able to decide which ones I would like to visit and which ones I can live with without visiting. Little did I know the organizers don’t think like I do; because when I asked one of the organizers who was proudly wearing an ASK badge on where I could find a map for the show, the surprise look on his face answered me before he even uttered a word. He said they don’t have maps. When I asked why, he said he doesn’t know. As I was walking away feeling defeated, I told him that maybe next year they should consider providing maps, and the fella didn’t respond.

Without a map and no clue about the layout of the ground, I kept on wondering. To be honest some stands were lit, they had the information at their fingertips and the attendants went out of their way to explain stuff. However, most stands had attendants who seemed like the only reason they were there was because they were getting paid by the end of the day, as they did not even try to explain their exhibition. For instance, there was this guy, maybe mid-50s, whose stand was exhibiting how to grow potatoes on air but when I tried to ask him to explain how the process worked, the input and output I should expect if I were to invest in that technology, he didn’t seem to have a clue about the whole thing and advised me to google instead. At this point I was done with the show and as I walked away trying to think why the old guy was there in the first place, I saw the rides and decided I am better off waking my childhood memories than dealing with uninspired exhibitors.

There was this one ride that looked dangerous, with my spirit down I thought taking a ride in it seemed like a better way to give myself some adrenaline rush to lift my spirit up and clear my mind. Since I have never known fear, and never thought that there could be anything that would push me to the limit where fear would overwhelm me, I paid for the ride and a minute later I was facing head down with the only thing holding me up being a metal bar across my waist. When the ride started everyone was screaming on top of their voices, but by the time we were half way, there was dead silence and all you could see from other riders was death stare. For once I was scared to bits, my heart lost its rhythm, for once life flashed though my eyes and all I could think was that I haven’t lived dangerously enough. If I was to die at that very moment, I would have died like a 40 year old virgin and i would not want to die that way.


After that ride, I was done with the show. As I wondered thinking how much of a looser I was for having lived so cautiously, I saw an officer’s mess and decided to step in and grab something to drown my sorrows. As I drowned my sorrow all I could do was to stare at the bottle and think to myself that everything in this life has a limit. Ranging from the bullshit we can take, the pain we can persevere, the heartache and many other things we face on a daily basis. 

Hours later and tipsy like a cow on heat; I decided it was a good idea to head out. As I was heading home, I found myself filled with the hope. Hope that one day we will come to that limit where we will be done with our tribalism, corrupt leaders, clergy who prey on the poor, culture that serve to oppress others and all other ills that take place in our lives that we are too scared to point them out. For ASK you can do better than you did this year, and for those who have never attended and are thinking of attending , be prepared for confusion galore and disappointment.

Here is the linkhttp://www.wisdompills.com/2014/05/28/the-famous-social-experiment-5-monkeys-a-ladder/



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